Do you want to know what teens need after their parents divorce or separate? They need to feel in control. So much has happened that was out of their control. Their life changed and they had no say in it. Divorce causes them confusion, insecurity, and even self-judgement. Many kids feel responsible for their parent’s divorce. That’s a whole other blog post. Going back to what they need: control.
In counseling, teens can learn how to regain control and we teach them how to control the one thing they will ever be in control of; themselves. More specifically, their thoughts, feelings, and actions. We move the focus away from that which they can’t control to what they are in control of. We still process the feelings around what they can’t control and validate those feelings but the energy is shifted to what they can control.
If behavior at home or school is a problem. We start with the problem behavior and work backwards to the feeling. Then from the feeling we go to the thought. Depending on the age or maturity, we may go further into the Core Beliefs. That is where we find out what they really believe about themselves and/or the divorce.
This process is repeated in various sessions but as teens learn to affect their feelings by changing a thought, their face lights up and their confidence boosts. They become emPOWERed. That is the goal of counseling to help kids feel confident and empowered despite their situation not changing.
Living life after divorce with your teen? Are they having a hard time adjusting? Counseling can help. Call us today for a free consultation.